Sent July 19

Dispatch 6 - Part 1 of 3
Where the time zones all converge

LOCATION:   89.33N  31.51W

The world outside of my tiny green tent is difficult to describe. I am at the top of the world adrift a small ice block, in the middle of the Arctic Ocean, inside of a seemingly endless foggy mist. On occasion the sun does peep through to let me know there is hope.  I am where the time zones all converge, where the sun spins invisibly around  - always at the same degree above the horizon. I am drifting in a SE direction, across many times zones, at an equivalent speed which a family might take on its vacation traveling leisurely across the United States. I drift now about 3 miles each day 'traveling' almost exactly south and east. There is no concept of time or space here, only endlessly bright and foggy eternity.  The wind blows silently broken only by my tent guy-lines which make a hum and give me a sound to listen to. The hum of wind in the guy-lines is the explorer's reality. Peaceful most of the time.  However, the spirit can get sleepy in this indescribable world. So it is necessary to keep active in both body and mind. It is not an easy world to live in for those who are accustomed to green summers and warm beds and bathrooms to walk into with bare feet.  Let me tell you about my first week here on the Arctic Ocean.

I have lost track in my mind of the dates of this first week but I can vaguely remember them in terms of days by number.  The first day I was dropped of around 1:30AM.  I wrote about this in a past journal entry.  The banging of the icebreaker, as it crashed through the ice, had caused me sleepness nights and I lost my appetite.  I had left Minnesota on June 30th in top physical condition and by the time I reached the ice on July 13th, I was totally exhausted.  I had lost all of my body rhythms and I did not know when to sleep or eat. 

When it came time to leaving the ship by helicopter, my spirits soared and I was extremely energized.  I wondered where all of this energy could come from. I was excited and very ready to begin.  The helicopter dropped me off, after hugs from friends.  I set up tent, but that night, I did not sleep and I worked on the 13th in the AM with chills and the starts of fever.  I knew the reason for this was simple stress and the impact of the icebreaker.

I decided to rest on the 13th but conditions continued to worsen.  The problem was compounded by laying on the ice with the moist air.  This air wanted to enter my lungs and I knew this was dangerous.  In the sleeping bag, I overheated from fever, but when I unzipped, the chill entered.  (In 1995, at the start of the International Arctic Project Expedition, my five teammates and I suffered from pneumonia-like symptoms when we were dropped off on the Russian central Arctic Ocean coastline in our bid to cross the ocean by dog team in one season. It was more serious then with 50 below weather and vicious storm winds that lasted for 9 days, threatening to shred our tents).  It is different now, however, because I am totally alone and must be very careful.

The first day was very difficult but the second day was worse. The moisture kept going for my lungs and I did everything to prevent it. The real difficulty on the second day was my mind.  I started to realize my vulnerability and, what is worse, I started to worry.  I had no rhythms so I forced myself- I forced myself to eat, I forced myself to stay in the sleeping bag, and I forced myself outside to walk. 

This was a difficult time but I had experienced this before and knew how to handle it.  I knew I had to get my body into rhythm so I set my clock to Minnesota time or Central Time.  This would be the time zone I would travel in all the way to Ellesmere. At noon the sun is due south.  It is important to travel in this fog with the high noon sun to the south because I travel all I can by the sun and, if you travel facing it, it is easier to see if it just peeps through for an instant.  This is also the time zone my body knows, so I set my clock accordingly.  So at 8:00AM it was time to force down some oatmeal.  Oatmeal, to me, is usually a penance to eat even in good health but to force it was not something I looked forward to. I ate all I could stomach. Then I rested. 

At 11:00AM I told myself that I must get up, must dress and must  walk. I walked in a small circle around my tent.  Around and around I walk and I am always afraid of moisture but I walk around and around  for I must keep the rhythm to survive.  Then, at noon, as we say in Minnesota,  I had 'a little lunch.'  I also had a small amount of a drink called Physique, which is a carbohydrate-protein supplement developed for athletes by the scientists at Shaklee. 

After this I got in the sleeping bag again.  No sleep. I  just layed down and let the hours pass.  These first three or four days were long -  very long. But I continued trying to build my rhythms.  At 3:00PM it was time to work at the computer. This was difficult because it was tedious and it seemed to stress my eyes in the bright polar light and the florescent fog. But I did it anyway. 

By 7:00 it was suppertime -  a bowl of noodles.  It involved getting water, lighting the stove and a host of other small chores that were difficult but good to be doing because they held my concentration and kept me away from thinking too much. Worrying would not help me at all. 

After supper the heat of the food gave me a sweat and a chill.  I did not keep the stove on because I was afraid that, in this condition, I might make a simple mistake of movement and burn down my strong, but  fragile tent.  So I went into the sleeping bag to lie for a mandatory 12 hours. That night I slept for 2 hours.  I was making improvements.

Day three I was totally out of it.  My mind was playing games with me.  I was fearful but I knew of this from before and I knew I had to keep the rhythm and stay in step. I had learned this in the Zen monastery 25 years ago.  So, I could not lay in bed anymore and I got up at 6:00.  I just moved step by step.

I began to see my situation that if the telecommunications failed, I was lost and I would die out here on the ice and that was not a good thought.  It was my dependency on the communication that shook me up.  I ate oatmeal again and then rested.  But I could not rest and had to try to make a satellite pass. I made many small errors but I paid attention because I knew I must master this system as I had once mastered driving a dog team.  Deep down I was enjoying the learning I was having. It was a deep experience that is hard to experience in ordinary life. 

The fear came back and with it a realization that I might need to arrange a pick up began to creep into my thinking.  These thoughts made me feel worse. This was the first time that my body was even stronger than my mind and this had to do with the fine conditioning program and diet that I have been on for almost two years. It was not 50 below.  It was not life threatening.  It was only my mind's reaction to stress. I knew this and I knew if I kept to the rhythms, work would break me loose within three days. 

I have experienced this before. I keep to a simple diet. I drink a lot of fluids. It is important to have a large amount of fluids. The third day was long and I knew I was making progress.  I ate more, a little more later, and the 2 hours of sleep had helped me. I walked again around and around my tent. The movement moved my blood and the oxygen in this fresh air felt good.  After lunch, I rested. The sun suddenly peeked through the fog.  At the same moment, I heard the cry of a gull that must have been fishing in one of the neighboring open leads of water. I know I heard it and that it was real. It instantly sparked me and jump-started my spirit.  This is what I needed. It was the start of my way up.

I kept myself occupied the rest of the day.  I worked at the computer and tried for a satellite pass but failed. I became worried again but laughed when I found I had not plugged the transmitter in.  I observed how my mood shifts often with humor. It's strange how we can make anything out of the moment, depending on our outlook.  I am aware of this and, for that reason, I knew this was not a dangerous situation I was in. I wanted to solo and I was getting just that. I was really thankful for the great insights I was having. I wanted, with all my heart and soul, to go to Ellesmere.  I didn't want to be a bother to anyone or be in a position to have to be evacuated by a ship. 

On the night of day 3, I remember that I slept first at 11:00 for a short while.  Then I had a deep sleep in which my dreams took  me to my home in Ely.  I was in my trip's storage shed where I store all of my equipment and I was able to pick up a few more items that I needed.  There was a lot of sanity in that dream and it made me feel good.